The World Less Traveled

My world is pretty small. I’ve split my life between two tiny towns, both in the southern states. The furthest I’d ever traveled was to DC when I was a senior in high school, and I went there with my mother, aunt, sister, and cousin. I’m a homebody but not by choice. The decisions I’ve made throughout my life have made travelling difficult.

However, my boyfriend and I went on a cruise last week. We went to Mexico and stopped in three countries. I saw things I truly never believed I’d get to see in my younger years. I had experiences I never dared to dream about. It was an amazing adventure, and it’s one I hope to get to replicate with some minor adjustments.

The hardest part for me wasn’t leaving the familiar. Familiarity can be nice, comforting to those who like a routine. And I do like a good routine. A schedule. A plan. However, it can also become quite stale. Every day I take my kids to school, sleep while I can, then work for twelve hours. I eat, medicate, and do it all over again. And again. And again. So, the break from the norm was a welcome relief.

What was difficult was leaving my children behind. They were safe with their father and stepmother. He had planned fun outings for them the whole week. I knew they were set up for a good time.

But I also knew that if anything were to happen, there was nothing I could do to get there in time. I could hop on a plane at one of the ports, but that would still take me more than a day to get to them. Cell service was spotty, at best, so even getting to talk to them was hit or miss. I’d never not been able to talk to them when I wanted or when they needed me.

I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a helicopter mom. I like to know where my kids are and who they’re with and what/how they’re doing. So, the lack of that ability was like cutting off one of my senses or limbs.

For three of the seven days I was gone, I had no contact with my children or other family members. My boyfriend was with me for the whole week, but it was still hard not to feel alone at times. I felt like I was missing pieces of myself.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. It truly was an amazing experience, and I’d love to do it again. There is so much of this world I want to see. But, in the future, I want to see it with my kids. I want to experience with the people, all of the people, who mean the most to me.

Before I left, my youngest daughter wrote me a note. She told me to keep it with me so I wouldn’t forget her. She has no idea of the impossibility of that. But I took that note on every excursion. I took pictures of it in every location; I did that to let her know that no matter where I was or what I was doing, she was in my every thought. They all were, and they always will be.

Later, I will tell you all about some of my adventures. But tonight, this post is for them. I love you, my littles, to Nana’s front yard and back.